10 DAYS OF SILENCE: My 2nd Vipassana Meditation Course at Dhamma Torana

Megara Wiild
Jun 3
7 min read

What if I told you there was an all-inclusive, 10 day trip you could take in a pristine forested location, with all meals and accommodations provided - 100% free of charge. All you have to bring are some clothes, a few basic necessities, and yourself.

What’s the catch?

Well, there are many actually.

First, you will hand over all of your valuables. Keys. Wallet. Passport. Phone. Tablet. Computer. They will be locked away until the end of the trip.

You take a vow to observe the 5 Moral Precepts of Buddhism.

You will stay in a modest room with a chair, a low wood frame bed, and small shelf for your things.

You must wake up at 4am.

You will be given two healthy, light vegetarian meals at 6:30am and 11:00am. You are not to eat after noon, unless it’s your first time, you are allowed a fruit and tea at 5pm.

You will be allotted about 1 hour break after meals to walk the grounds, rest, or shower if it is your assigned time.

And you will do all of this in complete and total silence.

What do you do during the time in between?

You meditate. Hour. After hour. After hour. 4:30am to 9:00pm.

No phone. No internet. No tv. No book. No journal. No pencil no paper. Nothing but you, yourself and your thoughts for 10 days.

Where did I learn about this seemingly insane idea? Thailand. A friend of mine from the yoga studio told me about a 10 day meditation course she had attended, not once, but 4 times. I had never heard of anything like it before. But I was intrigued. Several months later during my time in Chiang Mai, I met Dhamma Siri, a monk at Silver Temple. Though I only knew him for a short time, he has been an incredibly pivotal person in my life. I would share with him my thoughts, things I feared, my anxieties about returning to the US. He would smile and reply simply, “Too much thinking. Don't think too much. Thoughts are silly. Don’t listen.” But I wasn’t understanding. I would get so frustrated, and I would tell him, “But I don’t know how to stop!” In one of our last conversations he said, “Here, try this 10 days course. I think it will help you.” In his notebook, he wrote “Vipassana” - now the second time I had heard of this thing. I took note, and upon returning home, one of the first things I did was apply for my first Vipassana Meditation course. If Dhamma Siri told me to do something, I did it.

Dhamma Siri and I, Wat Sri Suphan, Chiang Mai, Thailand, June 2023

Fast forward to November 2023, I was heading to my first 10 day seminar at Ontario Vipassana Center, also known as Dhamma Torana. And boy, if only I knew what I was getting in to.

A few years ago I ran a marathon. At the end I thought, “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

Then, I moved to Thailand and went to fight camp for 12 weeks with no previous martial arts experience. And again I thought, “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

In November of 2023, I attended my first 10 day Vipassana course. And at the end I thought, “Ok. This is actually the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

I distinctly remember being in the meditation hall, my legs asleep, my spine screaming, so hunched over I felt like my ribs were splitting out of my back, sweating through my shirt despite being in Canada in the middle of November, absolutely crawling out of my skin wondering, “Is it possible to die from this? Like I feel like I’m for sure gonna die from this.” (For the record… I was completely fine, just tired of sitting.)

This is the process.

Returning a second time may or may not have been even harder. It’s fruitless to even speculate at this point.

Why in the world would anyone want to put themselves through this prison-esque experience? Ironically, because it is a path to freedom.. a means of liberation from the prison of our minds. It’s the method in which Dhamma Siri was trying to get me to understand when he told me not to listen to my thoughts. At times it was agonizing. But it worked.

Choosing to go back was daunting. This time I DID know what I was getting in to. But I found myself at a place where I had simply strayed so far from the work I had done during first course. Since that time, many things had occurred in my personal life that left me traumatized, bitter, resentful, angry, confused, hurt, and completely unsure of who I was at my core. I was making choices based on addictive patterns, seeking validation from unhealthy outside sources, struggling day in and day out with depression and crippling anxiety. I had a constant sense of instability, victim mentality, attachment to ego, mistrust of others, or more importantly, mistrust in myself. I was trapped in my mind, again. Every effort I was making to heal was getting me through the day, but only helping me manage things on a surface level. Once again, I could not get to the root of the issue. I had swung so far in the other direction, completely out of control of my mind and my life, arguably worse than before.

Returning for another course, in many ways didn’t feel like an option - it felt like THE option.

So I applied. Again.

Courses at Dhamma Torana fill very rapidly. Within an hour of opening, they are typically closed. I told myself if I didn’t get in, that was the universe telling me this wasn’t the right time to go. If I did get in, it was the universe telling me I HAD to go. I submitted my application.

I received an acceptance email shortly after. "Alright. Here we go again..." I thought.

Vipassana has been unlike anything I’ve ever tried before. It has been an experience of determination and grit, that has taken me through a full spectrum of highs and lows, sadness and euphoria, and everything in between. It has been fascinating to sit with and observe and examine my thoughts, instead of just getting yanked around by them. And it’s uncanny to see the body’s ability to adapt. From squirming in utter misery after 30 minutes on day one, to being able to sit for 2 hours with nothing but a short 5 minute break, otherwise completely unreactive and unmoving by the end of the course. It’s been a new way to get to know myself - and actually get to know the true nature of my own mind; to experience reality with an entirely new perspective in the understanding of Anicca - that everything is impermanent.

Is it extreme? It’s an irrelevant question. For me it’s simply necessary.

I’ve had several people express curiosity in the technique, but I am often met with the same resistance.. “10 days is really long, I wish they had like a one day course.”

This would be like deciding you want to grow up to be a doctor, but going to the university and asking for the 1 year program.

It just doesn't work that way.

10 days is minimum for starting Vipassana technique. After completing the course the first time, I understood why. Even after days of infuriating effort, it wasn’t until day 8 and 9 where I felt like I had a momentary breakthrough. Returning for the second time after straying so far from the practice, 10 days still felt like the necessary timeline.

It isn’t easy. And in a country where we are already given an abysmal amount of time off of work, it’s difficult to choose to do something like THIS with that time, when it could be spent with family, friends, at a beach, doing all those ignored tasks around the house, catching up on sleep. But this fast-paced lifestyle is part of what perpetuates the problem. We have become so programmed to want the fast track. The short cut. The magic pill. The avoidance of discomfort. The immediate result. But nothing truly is accomplished in this way, other than continued obsession and craving for immediacy and instant gratification. It’s the antithesis of Vipassana. It can feel impossible to step away from life, but for me the benefit was worth it, and I feel very lucky to have been able to have the time and means to participate in these courses.

I don't want to talk much about my actual experience during the course, mostly because if anyone decides that it might be something they’re interested in, I think it’s best to go in with an open mind and as few expectations as possible. The brain is also an ABSOLUTE CREATURE… a little deranged, sometimes comical, but generally untamed and runs like a freight train. Some of the things I have experienced still feel a little unbelievable, even to me. So from an experiential standpoint, I think it’s better to just let it unfold for you – untainted by imaginings or expectations planted by someone else. Individual experience is important. However, if anyone has curiosities or questions on an individual basis about my experience in the duration of the course, shoot me a text, email, dm. I’m happy to share.

If you have any questions about logistical information in how the course is run, or about the history of the technique itself, this is all available on the Dhamma website. I’ve provided the link below. They hide nothing – the course is run exactly as the website describes.

Vipassana is for everyone. It’s non-sectarian. Anyone from any background, race, or religion can practice. The organization, developed by the late S. N. Goenka, is run entirely by volunteers and funded by donations from “old students” – individuals that have completed a 10-day course – based on their own means. No other funding is accepted, in order to preserve the technique discovered by Gotama Buddha 2500 years ago as a path to enlightenment. The course itself is entirely free of charge. As Teacher Goenkaji said, if there is a charge, then it is not Dhamma.

Vipassana has allowed me to experience life with an entirely new perspective. To be aware of my ego. To realize nothing is personal. It has fixed exactly none of my problems. But it helps me view them in a different light. Do I think I am enlightened? No. Not even remotely close. I still have deep rooted attachment to my identity, wrestle with craving, and aversion. But I'm more aware. Because of this, it has completely changed the way I understand reality and the human experience. I learned to observe my thoughts for the first time ever instead of being the captive audience; the unwilling passenger. I get to be the captain of my own ship. Bhavatu sabba mangalam - "may all beings be happy"